It's worth a read

This article by Jeremy Clarkson was in this week's Sunday Times but has since been 'pulled' - probably by the subject of the article, Peter Mandelson. So much for free speech. But poor old manglebum fails to appreciate how the blogsphere works and in no time the article finds itself going viral round the world. Wonderful. Enjoy it - and feel free to pass it on if you enjoyed it.....

Jeremy Clarkson

Sunday Times 8/11/09

I have given the matter a great deal of thought all week, and I am afraid I’ve decided that it’s no good putting Peter Mandelson in a prison. I’m afraid he will have to be tied to the front of a van and driven round the country until he isn’t alive any more.
He announced last week that middle-class children will simply not be allowed into the country’s top universities even if they have 4,000 A-levels, because all the places will be taken by Albanians and guillemots and whatever other stupid bandwagon the conniving idiot has leapt

I hate Peter Mandelson. I hate his fondness for extremely pale blue jeans and I hate that preposterous moustache he used to sport in the days when he didn’t bother trying to cover up his left-wing fanaticism. I hate the way he quite literally lords it over us even though he’s resigned in disgrace twice, and now holds an important decision-making job for which he was not elected. Mostly, though, I hate him because his one-man war on the bright and the witty and the successful means that half my friends now seem to be taking leave of their senses.

There’s talk of emigration in the air. It’s everywhere I go. Parties. Work. In the supermarket. My daughter is working herself half to death to get good grades at GSCE and can’t see the point because she won’t be going to university, because she doesn’t have a beak or flippers or a qualification in washing windscreens at the lights. She wonders, often, why we don’t live in America.

Then you have the chaps and chapesses who can’t stand the constant raids on their wallets and their privacy. They can’t understand why they are taxed at 50% on their income and then taxed again for driving into the nation’s capital. They can’t understand what happened to the hunt for the weapons of mass destruction. They can’t understand anything. They see the Highway Wombles in those brand new 4x4s that they paid for, and they see the M4 bus lane and they see the speed cameras and the community support officers and they see the Albanians stealing their wheelbarrows and nothing can be done because it’s racist.

And they see Alistair Darling handing over all of their money to not sort out the banking crisis that he doesn’t understand because he’s a small-town solicitor, and they see the stupid war on drugs and the war on drink and the war on smoking and the war on hunting and the war on fun and the war on scientists and the obsession with the climate and the price of train fares soaring past £1,000 and the Guardian power-brokers getting uppity about one shot baboon and not uppity at all about all the dead soldiers in Afghanistan, and how they got rid of Blair only to find the lying twerp is now going to come back even more powerful than ever, and they think, I’ve had enough of this. I’m off.

It’s a lovely idea, to get out of this stupid, Fairtrade, Brown-stained, Mandelson-skewed, equal-opportunities, multicultural, carbon-neutral, trendily left, regionally assembled, big-government, trilingual, mosque-drenched, all-the-pigs-are-equal, property-is-theft hellhole and set up shop somewhere else. But where?

You can’t go to France because you need to complete 17 forms in triplicate every time you want to build a greenhouse, and you can’t go to Switzerland because you will be reported to your neighbours by the police and subsequently shot in the head if you don’t sweep your lawn properly, and you can’t go to Italy because you’ll soon tire of waking up in the morning to find a horse’s head in your bed because you forgot to give a man called Don a bundle of used notes for organising a plumber.

You can’t go to Australia because it’s full of things that will eat you, you can’t go to New Zealand because they don’t accept anyone who is more than 40 and you can’t go to Monte Carlo because they don’t accept anyone who has less than 40 mill. And you can’t go to Spain because you’re not called Del and you weren’t involved in the Walthamstow blag. And you can’t go to Germany ... because you just can’t.

The Caribbean sounds tempting, but there is no work, which means that one day, whether you like it or not, you’ll end up like all the other expats, with a nose like a burst beetroot, wondering if it’s okay to have a small sharpener at 10 in the morning. And, as I keep explaining to my daughter, we can’t go to America because if you catch a cold over there, the health system is designed in such a way that you end up without a house. Or dead.

Canada’s full of people pretending to be French, South Africa’s too risky, Russia’s worse and everywhere else is too full of snow, too full of flies or too full of people who want to cut your head off on the internet. So you can dream all you like about upping sticks and moving to a country that doesn’t help itself to half of everything you earn and then spend the money it gets on bus lanes and advertisements about the dangers of salt. But wherever you go you’ll wind up an alcoholic or dead or bored or in a cellar, in an orange jumpsuit, gently wetting yourself on the web. All of these things are worse than being persecuted for eating a sandwich at the wheel.

I see no reason to be miserable. Yes, Britain now is worse than it’s been for decades, but the lunatics who’ve made it so ghastly are on their way out. Soon, they will be back in Hackney with their South African nuclear-free peace polenta. And instead the show will be run by a bloke whose dad has a wallpaper shop and possibly, terrifyingly, a twerp in Belgium whose fruitless game of hunt-the-WMD has netted him £15m on the lecture circuit.

So actually I do see a reason to be miserable. Which is why I think it’s a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit. in the meantime.


"In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!" Alfred E. Newman

Tim and Joanne's Wedding Poems

During the service at the Weybridge registry Office, Tim's mother Christine read out a poem she had written for this special occasion. It is transcribed below.

RECIPE FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

Tell her you love her every day,

Kiss her good morning and goodnight,

Keep faith with her throughout the years,

Sharing happiness, joys and tears.

Tell him you love him every day,

Kiss him good morning and goodnight.

Keep faith with him throughout the years,

Sharing happiness, joys and tears.

Be true to each other in word and in deed,

Let each others' happiness be your creed,

Whatever happens in your future life,

Stand together as husband and wife,

For no one else can take from you,

A love that is steadfast and grows ever new,

For love that is patient and always kind

Will unite you in heart and in mind.

As you embark on your new life together

We your parents and friends share your happiness too,

Our good wishes and love will surround you always,

Not just on this happiest day of days.

Whilst Noel read out the following poem as part of his 'Father of the Bride speech'

Love

by
Roy Croft

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am when I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what you have made of yourself,
But for what you are making of me.

I love you for
the part of me that you bring out

I love you because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.

You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it by being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
being a friend means, after all.

The rest of the poem is quite long you can find it on the internet but I thought that it made an awful lot of sense.

Tim and Joanne's Wedding 7th November 2009

Well, for the last few days we have been gearing up for the wedding of Tim and Joanne and finally the day has arrived. The sun was shining as Joanne left to have her hair done, then after a light snack for lunch we all headed off to the Weybridge Registry office for the formal part of the day.
The service was about 30 minutes long and was in a very nice room which easily allowed the 30 people who attended space to see the action. We then went outside for photographs in the sun, Yes the sun was shining all day and the temperature was around 13C, not bad for November.
Following the official part of the day we all departed to the Hurtwood Inn Hotel which is located approximately 25 miles away in Peaslake near Guildford. This is a beautiful part of the country and the Hotel is surrounded by rolling hills filled with sheep.
The reception was quite small just close family and friends, making for a lovely intimate occasion. The Hotel did a sterling job in keeping the event running and provided a lovely buffet which we all enjoyed.
The speeches were opened by Tim and then Joanne followed by David, Tim's elder brother who said that it was impossible to find any faults with Tim for him to expand on. Noel then did his Father of the Bride speech which had humour, facts, more humour and then an initiation for Tim into the Groves very special 'Parrot Club'.
As this was always going to be a quiet and private function Noel had some tricks up his sleeve including T-Shirts for the men with old photos of Joanne as a Brownie and Tim in his Robin Hood outfit, both photos were taken when they were about seven years old. Noel also had two shirts which were covered with other photos of Joanne at varying ages,these were worn to great effect by Noel and Michael.
In the evening a few other friends arrived for a quiet drink in the private room and the event finished about midnight when everybody was getting a little tired.
On Sunday morning we all left the Hotel around 11.30 and then Joanne and Tim were heading off to Dunster in Devon for their honeymoon for one week.
We wish them well in their new life together as man and wife.

NB. All wedding photos are on the Phanfare Picture Blog, so follow the link to
http://noelgroves.phanfare.com/4432050#imageID=85879007

The Albert Hall

Joanne was participating in the Cancer Research Charity function being organised at the Albert Hall last Saturday with 1600 other Choir members and musical support from Grime Thorpe Colliery Band and Brighouse and Rastrick Band.
Prior to arriving at the Albert Hall we did a little shopping in Kensington and then went to Whole Foods to have a look round and then decided to have a light dinner in the pasta restaurant. A starter and main course for us both and a nice bottle of wine all for £ 37.00 was not bad and NO tips!!
The Albert was pretty much full for this event and as we had left it a little bit late to book our tickets we were located very close to the British Airways 747 flying over the top of the building. The huge organ was magnificent if not a little loud as it easily outplayed the 1600 voices as times. The Bands were great and really excelled when they played tunes that they new very well and not the songs picked for the occasion.
Perhaps the excess heat of the building which tends to rise and partly affected  my views a lilttle but to it was such a shame not have more well known tunes than they did as both the choir and the band excelled with the well known more popular pieces. I understood it took three years to organise  this concerty which may have been due to the conductor apparently keep changing his mind over the songs to be sung and favoured some from his Yorkshire home rather than those well known in the rest of the country..
A number of people werre being treated for heat by the St Johns Ambulance and so I am not sure what happened to the air conditioning, or perhaps there is none, in this beatifull building where so much has been spent on renovation.

As it was Halloween there were many parties obviously taking place and there were lots of late teens and early to late twenties dressed up for the evening and perhaps it was all these ghouls that stopped the underground running efficiantly. Standing on the platform to hear the announcments of the parts of the tube network not running that night, makes me worry how they will cope with the Olympics!!!

We have been so busy!!!

Well the last week or so has been so busy you cannot believe. Quite a number of house guests as well. Vickie my ex pa who now has a great job in the company came and spent an evening with us and it was great to talk over old times. Noel has been working quite hard on the Pandair Reunion which took place on Friday 23 October with about 65 people attending and I am glad to say it was a great success based on the huge amount of feedback. If you want to know more about this function check out the following web pages http://pandair.blogspot.com/
Roger and Sue our friends who we stayed in Spain with came to spend two night and also another friend Brian and also Jan from Holland who had failed to make a Hotel booking and so we almost had a full house. Saturday morning entailed a great walk to Walton Bridge where the five of us, Noel,Jen, Roger, Sue and Brian were joined by John and Lyn for a breakfast at the 'Josefs' Cafe. A good breakfast was had by all. WE got back to the house around 11.30 as Joanne was arriving for her day of tripping the light fantastic in readiness for here forthcoming wedding. Saturday night we had a BBQ for about 14 including us, thank heavens it did not rain, and it was a really great night indeed with mulled wine and Indian snacks followed by to much steak, BBQ'd leg of lamb, pork ribs and sausages and rather a lot of wine. Boy were we slow on Sunday and thankful for the extra hour it provided. Although our guests helped us partly clear up the previous night there was still a bit of sorting out to do and the great job of cleaning the BBQ grills for the winter. An afternoon of football on Sky and we had an early night. Noel had a lunch with ex business colleagues in Egham and perhaps overdid the wine a little but a great time was meeting people not seen for many years. A necessary trip to the Charlton dump with all the garden rubbish, the leaves have started to fall and so we will have to go every week for a while. Jennifer and Joanne spent time on Tuesday evening decorating the wedding cake whilst Noel watched the football. On Thursday 29th as the weather was bright it was pretty much the last chance to close down the caravan for winter and put on its cover to keep it clean over the long months. Noel purchased a couple of years ago,a small trickle charger for the Leisure battery which needs to be kept charged to enable the security tracking system to stay on and this also need to be fitted. And now we are pretty much up to date and we are having some venetian blinds being fitted in the Garden room today which hopeful should finish this room from a decoration perspective. Phew it has been busy. On Saturday we are going to the Royal Albert Hall where Joanne and many others are taking part in the 'Festival of Sound and Voices' in aid of Cancer Research. The following is the description of the concert from the Albert Hall website

"The tri-annual Cancer Research UK Festival of Brass and Voices brings together the collective sound of one thousand five hundred male and female voices from around the UK for an evening of traditional and classical music. The theme of the festival follows closely the format of the Last Night of the Proms, where audience participation is included in such pieces as Rule Britannia and Land of Hope and Glory. The choirs will be accompanied by the fantastic Royal Albert Hall organ and two prestigious award-winning champion bands, Grimethorpe Colliery, made famous by the film Brassed Off, and Brighouse and Rastrick, who will be well-remembered for their chart-topping record The Floral Dance. The whole proceedings, including the musical direction, will be under the baton of William Relton, formerly General Manager of the BBC Symphony Orchestra. The event, we feel sure, will live up to the standard of all previous festivals, ensuring a most memorable experience for all who attend. This year's festival at the Royal Albert Hall will hope to raise £100,000 for Cancer Research UK, so join us for a truly wonderful evening!"

So we are looking forward to a great evening.

Thursday 8th October- A nice day out and then Oh Bloody hell!

The day did not finish as it started out. Today we left around eleven in the morning for a country side drive up to St Davids bay and an on to the Cathedral and all the beautiful out building including the rectory. The Cathedral is a very interesting building as it is built on the side of a hill and however built it must need a new set of measuring equipment as when you are standing inside the building the floor is sloping the the left and the main supports seem to lean outwards and the general affect can upset you balance. This is not to easy to show on a photograph but take my word for it as it is quite a strange feeling. Its a beautiful old building with a magnificent organ which has be totally renovated. The roof for the building is made out of wood and the design is very different to what you would normally expect to see. The rectory has has also been refurbished and there is a nice little cafe selling some nice hot food where we decided to eat. Adrian and Joyce had a glass of un-blessed plonk with their lunch. We then to the road up to Fishguard and from there headed back to Milford where we arrived around 5 pm. We were just sitting down to enjoy our evening before before heading off to the pub when Joanne called to say that she had dropped my pills from the pharmacy in to the house and noticed water on the kitchen wood floor. Oh my god what is this. It appeared that either the Water Filter valve or something was leaking. So after due consideration we decided to head back home as the last thing we want is a flood in the house. The journey home was slow although we were able to contact the plumber who visited straight away and resolved the matter and it appears there is no damage. It is a big shame that we had to leave Milford as we were planning to re visit Tenby and take some photos and also continue exploring this part of Wales. Adrian and Joyce will still be there until mid November and so we hope to find time to visit again.

Wednesday 7th October- Lets go sightseeing

The weather was a little brighter today and after Adrian had received his brand new garden shed, we need to hold an opening party soon, we had a snack lunch and then all headed off for a trip around the coast.
The views over the estuary were quite magnificent and the amout of ships tied up was quite interesting. We stopped for a coffee and a cake in a small cafe in a sea side town before heading back to Milford with a side strip to Haverfordwest to visit the Homebase and Wickes stores for some reading lights that Noel and Jen are looking for.
It was Fish and Chips tonight from the local store and they were cooked to order and the fish size was extremely good and the quality was excellent. This evening Adrian had booked tickets at the local Civic Theatre where a good travelling reportry group were performing 'She stoops to conquer'
The play was well done but perhaps did not suit all our tastes but it made for a very pleasent eveing indeed.

Tuesday 6th October- What a grey day

It was a grey sky that we looked in too first thing in the morning but that did not put us off. Adrian and Joyce had some jobs to do and so we headed off in the rain towards Tenby which had been recommended to us by Adrian's son Anthony.
Tenby is a bit like Salcombe, where my sister lives, in that clings to the hillsides and overlooks a small port. There are some lovely beached surrounding Tenby and it must be very popular in the the summer.
We did a long walk around the town but as the weather was very dark and grey Noel did not bother taking photos which he now regrets. The town has lots of different and interesting shops which were mostly private owned and managed and not to many of the chains. The little streets and houses were really quite attractive and although there were a few fish and chip shops it was a very nice town.
We had a light lunch as Jennifer is still pushing her diet, got to be sleek for Joanne's the wedding, and then finished off walking around the town as it started to drizzle with rain. Time to leave as we we walked along the main sea front road back to the car park the heavens opened and the rain came sideways from the sea and we both got drenched. By the time we got back to the car water was running down inside Noels trousers let alone outside. Nothing else to do he took off his trousers and sat in his damp underpants which was not a beautiful site.
Turning on the car heather we headed back through the countryside to Milford where upon parking outside, Noel had a choice of walking in his underwear back to the house or putting on sodden trousers and so he chose the former and no doubt upset the neighbours
In the evening we went with Adrian and Joyce to a pub the Adrian uses in a place called Johnstone which is not far from MIlford and there we had a nice dinner although Noels fish was not spectacular and Adrian was right to suggest not choosing it. Better luck next time.
But it was a very pleasant day and we plan later in the week to re visit Tenby and take some photos

Monday 5 th October, We are off to Milford Haven

We planned to visit Adrian and Joyce in their home in in Milford Haven which is about 250 miles from Weybridge. The journey down to Milford was uneventful although when we left the rain was pouring down but as we drove further West the weather seemed to improve.
We arrived in Milford Haven around tea time and got settled in the and then went for a walk along the front overlooking the sea and you could see the Ship Terminals where bulk oil is offloaded and refined in to vehicle fuel. We stopped in a bar for a glass of wine before heading back for an evening of discussion and a few glasses of wine.